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Hard Corner : le film ! - (ft. Bob Lennon, Ganesh2, Antoine Daniel)

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transcript:
Hello my name is Alpha Alf heir to the throne of the Dominia Kingdom my secret is to gain awesome powers when I hold aloft my magic sword and shout May the Patriarch's Power be Mine and I become Alpha Man strongest of all men therefore including all women Alpha Man ! Alpha Man ! Wow awesome ! Mom, can I become like Alpha Man later ? - Of course honey, if you work hard enough you can achieve anything Don't forget, kids always listen to what your heart tells you Listen to my heart, Billy ! Benzaie ! Benzaie ! What are you doing ? I'm not paying you to sleep, dammit ! No, don't remake Robocop ! Oh, that's you, Jean-Guy How many times will I have to tell you ? It's Jean-Guillaume ! 2 syllables ! Easy ! and zip up your pants, we have a brand to honor ! You're impossible ! See ? This is good presentation, people think we're respectable It's no thanks to a goofball like you that people will buy our stuff Now mister know-it-all think about what I said and help the last customer, ok ? Wait, you're leaving ? Of course, Monday is Ravioli day and Tuesday is Feng Shui day ! Tonight I gotta attend Fend Shui class and you get to close the store ! I think you mean Thai Chi ! You're not allowed to correct me Benzaie ! Keep it low with the other roaches and do as you're told, ok ? Here This is on the house ! On the house and with a smile ! Oh by the way, post that shit for me it's important ! Hey Hi ! Oh hello and welcome to ... Jean-Gaming. How may I help you, sir ? Yeah, well, I'm looking for the new Mario for Playstation. Mario for the Playstation ? Yeah, you know, the one you play with a camera. You are a total...ly mistaken young man ! I assure you that no such game exists in our store ! Come on ! I saw it on TV ! Wait a sec, your nose seems to be bleeding. Oh this ? That's no problem, just some kind of allergy... to fucktards. Stay right there, I'll take a look, you never know after all ! I'm afraid we're out of stock. That's too bad. But you may come back another day, when I don't work, and try your luck ! I'm sure they'll have it at Super Mart. Thanks for checking though. Still think a pro like you should know his games better. But eh ! I won't tell you how to do your job. Bye ! Of course, ah, bye bye ! Ah, of course, bye bye... Douchebag ! Last night was insane, bro ! I was fingering one hole, my tongue in another one Holes everywhere, dude, I pumped and pumped and pumped like crazy ! And my friend John tells me let's try something new and fun, see ? and BAM ! He fucked me. We did the buttrain all night long. It was crazy, bro, INSANE ! How about you come over next time ? No thanks, bro. Sorry guys, I'm just passing by... Eh ain't you that fag selling games 'round the corner ? Pokemon and shit ? Yeah that's me ! It's for faggots, am I right ? Yeah, yeah. Wanna play soccer with us ? You know ? Like Fifa and shit ? I can't, after work like that, sorry. You say that 'cause we're from bad area ? - No - Yeah, right, you little racist ! - No - Yeah right No, man, I swear I ain't... See that kind of racist fag ? I hate'em ! - I gotta go... - You ain't going nowhere... I don't like what you're doing, I'm pissed off, dude, see ? You ain't in Pokemon here, Charizard ain't saving your ass ! Guys, I gotta take a shit real bad, lemme go ! Is that guy for real ? FAGGOT ! So, you're coming over next time ? Yes Mom ! Of course that Ben is a serious boyfriend. You've just seen him during one of his bad days ! No, he didn't mean to spill grandpa's ashes last time ! If you just wanted to rant, you shouldn't have called me, FUCK ! Hugs and kisses ! Hello my shmoopey, how was work ? You know, sweet pea, I'd rather not talk about it. Please, tell me everything, my little sugar bear. It's that fucking douche Jean-Guy again That fucker likes to humiliate me in front of the customers... like he used to in middle school. Come on, sweety, it was just a bad day. You know you're lucky to even have a job in today's days. Yeah but he did that booger thing again ! And the customers are getting dumber everyday. -You'll never believe what... - Imagine that some dude... ...asked me if the internet was required in order to play online That's like asking if an asshole was required to take a shit ! You know I thought selling games would be cool and all. But Jean-Guy focuses on fucking casual shit where you dance in front of a stupid camera I'm thinking about quiting, you know ? Watch out Benzaie ! I'm happy to play the perfect girlfriend. Making diner when you come home etc. And I even did that weird japanese blowjob for your birthday, remember ? But a Queen like I won't bang a jobless fuck ! My mom don't even consider selling games to be a real job ! - Oh wait a sec, sweet pea... - Cut the sweet pea shit ! You may look OK the days you take a shower You only got your chance 'cause you said you'll take a hold of things ! But I do that all the time, no ? - I didn't mean masturbation, Ben ! - Oh I meant having a good job, working out, dress up, I mean like a man and not like a thirteen year old nerd and maybe get me a ring or two ? So forget that shit about quitting, you hear me, Benzaie ? Eyh ! Look at me in the eyes ! You know what ? Look at me in the boobs ! Pretty ! Listen to me now, one-ball stud ! Tomorow, you'll go to work, nice and quiet, ok ? Yes my lady ! You'll be nice to your boss since we need your income to pay for my car's insurance Yes, understood my sexy queen ! Just let me... Perfect, I'm exhausted, good night my sweetheart ! - Aren't you having diner ? - I'm on a diet ! But I made you some spinach ! SPINACH ? Hello Benzaie ! Did you post that letter like I asked you ? YES OR NO ? Cut that alarm, Benzoo and remove your hand ! Sorry sweet pea ! You know I won't do it in the morning ! I gotta look good for the lunch shift, so please be quiet when you leave. OK Oh Hello and welcome to Jean-Gaming ... How can I help you young biped ? What can I do for you, great Iggy Pop look alike ? You oestrogenous creature ? short man from the far east ? In the retirement home we got to play bowling on some kind of electronic device, I think ? So, the 3DS, does it work on a TV ? Do you have a dancing game based on Star Wars with RnB music ? Do I need the internet to play Mario Kart online ? Yes it's possible, but only during full moon night No sir, we ain't trading back Atari 2600's since... hum... my birth actually ! No sorry miss, I would shit on the carpet if such a game existed ! What the fuck, it does ? Wait a sec, weren't you here yesterday ? Oh I didn't mean to bother you, I thought you were a girl actually ! Nevermind, I'll find what I need at Super Mart Sorry to tell you this but your breath kinda stinks, actually ! Well ok, I just wanted to check before getting it at Super Mart, bye bye ! Yes I understand, it's cheaper ! Walking corpse ! Adam Sandler fanboy ! Old Chilli-dog ! Coprophagous ! Magikarp What the hell ? Are you talking to me, Benzaie ? Incredible ! No I wasn't insulting you, just the customers ! So that's what you treat them when I'm not around ? Well, just behind their backs ! Special Taiwanese Otter Technic ! Feng Shui lesson number 12 ! You're hurting me Jean-Guy ! I already told you to call me Jean-Guillaume ! Let me help you remember ! I'm Jean-Guillaume, the boss here ! Here, it's on the house ! No, no that, FUCK ! What the fuck ! Your craddle was too close to the Berlin Wall or what ? Careful Benzaie ! You seem to forget to whom you owe your job here ! That was just because we used to be best buds in middle-school ! My ass, dude, we've never been friends ! Hey Benzaie, your dad hasn't changed your stupid name yet ? My dad is dead Jean-Guillaume ! Wait a minute Butterfree ! - You have something on your glasses ! - What is it ? - Look... - Oh No ! No ! Now that you mention it, you're right ! Good old days... I don't see your problem You should be grateful to work in my superb store, Benzaie ! Few high-school drop out like you have that chance ! What chance ? This is no game selling ! It's fucking baby-sitting ! Fuck these stupid customers ! Fuck that stupid name ! and fuck the moron who made the Emperor Palpatine dance to fucking RnB music ! Are we done with your teenage crisis mister teenager ? OK I'm all worked up, I don't want to pay you anymore today, move ! Eyh what the hell, yesterday I asked you to post this and you didn't ! Now you be nice and you do it, OK ? You shouldn't have done that, Benzaie ! I don't want to see you again ! Understood ? You're fired, Benzaie ! Fuck this, I'm quitting Jean-Gaming ! It's a stupid name for a stupid store ! What are you gonna do without your job Benzaie ? Tell me all ! You just wait ! I'll open my own store for true hardcore gamers ! and not for a bunch of old farts from the retirement home ! oh yeah ? Where will a jobless bearded cockroach like you find the money for that store ? You already have investors ? Scrooge Mc Duck ? Steve Jobs ? Bill Gates ? You just wait for it Jean-Guy ! My store will open and yours will crumble before you learn how to blow your nose ! Sorry... I forgot my shirt ! No I didn't come here to hide because I'm afraid of my girlfriend Come on, I can take responsabilities Thanks I still gotta think about how I'll tell her that I have no job now I'm still convinced that it will be all smooth, you know ? Just gotta find some cash for the store and a fucking amazing name. That's what's most important. It has to be the place where hardcore gamers come to pick up their games. A corner for hardcore gamers... I got it... Hardcore Corner Nevermind, I'll figure it out later We both know why you're here Benzaie You're afraid. You know it's true. Afraid ? Me ? Of what ? Sweet pea ? Are you kidding ? I'm still the man in this house... Ah, for a second, I thought she was behind me... Listen, you should be more confident when talking to your significant other. Remember episode 82 where I battled against Femina, Queen of Hypnosis ...of Hypnosis, I know I have seen all your cartoons. You stunned her with your Alpha Back of the End Slap What does it mean anyway ? Well, no matter how angry, or how persuasive a girl can be you gotta face it, like a man, a true male. A true male ? Wait isn't that a bit sexist ? Look at me Do I look like my name's Alpha Girl ? Of course not. And they shouldn't have produced that spin-off If I were you, I'd stand by my choices in life. After all she should love you, and not your social status ! Right, you're right Alpha Man You know what ? I'll go back home. When sweet pea arrives, I'll tell her I told Jean-Guy to fuck off. And that I'll start my own business. Thank you, buddy. I'm not hungry anyway. By the way, don't worry, the burgers are on me. Anyway I don't think they accept Dominian Gold in this tavern ! Oh no ! Watch out kids ! Rocks are rolling our way ! Quick ! Duck ! Don't panic, Billy ! My Alpha pecs can easily contain these rocks for hours ! Billy ! You gotta move ! Crawl between my muscular legs to get to safety ! and watch out for your head, Billy ! Hello my schmoopey ! Wait a minute, are back from work already ? Nevermind, listen. I hope you're not mad about last night. I mean, I didn't want you to do anything really stupid... Don't you agree ? Just think about us two. About us as a couple. And our budget. I quit Say what ? Babe, I quit and even farted in an envelope then smashed it under his nose. Don't worry, sweet pear, I have an awesome plan B ! I'll open my own game store ! It'll be awesome ! You'll find only the best titles and no dancing in front of a camera shit - Benzaie ! - Sweet pea ? What do I have to do to make you understand, Ben ? You never listen Did I say something wrong ? Besides I haven't seen my friends in weeks Just because of you, 'cause you won't go out. Do you understand how I feel ? Sorry... I apologize... That's the problem, you're sorry but you won't change anything. It's not about being nice once in a while. It's something deeper that than. I don't know how to say it... But I love you. I didn't know you were suffering. Here's the issue ! You don't see anything ! Ok, I got no job so tomorow I'm dedicating the day to you, sweet pea ! We can do whatever you want ! You'd like that ? Give me a smile ! Would you join me for brunch with Cathy and Norbert ? Those two fucking hipsters ? The dude thinks he's a photographer because he owns a Polaroid ! - Benzaie ! - No problemo ! How about getting into sports also ? Summer is coming and I don't want to be seen with a skeleton by the beach How about soccer ? Are you fucking serious ? You know damn well my father died in a soccer accident ! Wait , Benzoo ! That's the toilet ! Hey, daddy, I bet you won't block this nuclear bomb ! Ah, whenever you want, son I'm ready ! Don't worry, son, stay safe here ! Daddy, be careful ! What ? Dad, watch out ! Everything's fine ! Here, madam, here's all that's left of your husband. My poor Benzaie, I wonder how he copes with it. What will I do now, Alpha Man ? Now that my daddy is gone ? Come on, tell me ! Come on ! Start with wiping off those tears, my little Benzaie ! Good ! And make sure to brush your teeth three times each day ! And listen to your mommy ! Except once a month for three days... Benzoo, get up ! We have to get ready ! And you know it ! Getting ready ? What for ? Isn't this bed nice and cosy ? Did you forget about our brunch at 10.30am ? That's in a full hour and I already have my underwear on ! You'll follow me quietly to the bathroom ! You won't come with me dress up like a hobo... Damn, it's raining. Awesome, I'll get to wear my new favorite poncho ! What ? No ? You really lost a pound in only three weeks ? It definitely shows, girl ! Here, it's ready ! And it's home-made ! What you don't know is that since Mister started watching Master Chef He's become a real expert ! Wait a bit, Ben, before you start... Is it too hot ? No, just wait a bit... Seriously ? There, it's cool, you can have some. I'm just trying to improve my plating the art of food presentation. but I won't bother you with this. Too late. By the way, your new place looks really incredible ! Are you renting it ? No, we finally decided to become home owners ! Yeah, about time I'd say ! At the age of 27, I wouldn't waste more money with renting. I mean, ALLO ? Ah, I love it when he does that ! Actually, have you got your own little love nest yourselves ? Because it's been, like, twelve months together ? That's only one year ! Soon, soon ! Ben actually had some troubles with his job When it's sorted out, we will go visit some houses. Am I right, shmoopey ? Just be careful about the mortgage Bank people can be real sharks As for us, we got lucky, I'd say ! Norbert inherited a small fortune when his grandmother died last year. How much, honey ? 400k euros exactly, my love. Do you realize ? It's like a lucky star was looking after me... I mean us ! How lucky ! But you totally deserve it ! Especially you, Norbert. Since you struggled so hard with your photography. Yeah, sure. I guess the world doesn't need artists these days. No the world needs more... hum... Ben, what's your occupation again ? Unemployed ? Good one ! I meant what's your education ? I wasn't trained as a photographer or a chef No, I'm got a doctorate in live arts. Sorry, I didn't mean to... I just remembered I had an appointment at the job center. Sorry, sweet pea, but thanks for the brunch ! Benzaie ! I really gotta go, I'll call you, babe ! Norbert, I enjoyed it, but I'm really sorry for your camera My camera ? Why ? Is that Pop-Art ? Bachelor in human science obtained in 2005 Master in finances with jury's approval obtained in 2008 National champion in Brasilian ju-jitsu Here's the kind of resume we'd like to see more. And from which you should take inspiration, mister... hum... Benzaie What a strange name. Like that miniature japanese tree ? Nevermind I can see here you finished middle-school at the age of eighteen ? In 2010, you were crowned best spaghetti eater in town. Loss of... Loss of heterosexual virginity in 2012 ? Nothing to brag about. You know, this isn't the kind of information to put in a curriculum vitae. Oh yeah, I love curry myself Your list of hobbies is way over-developped What do you mean ? I'll read... I high school I still loved the Pokemon card game. But it would have been weird if someone found my deck in my bags... So during sport, I would hide my deck of cards inside my speedo So I would do track running for hours with my cards sticking to my butt. People thought I had shit my pants But at least, I wouldn't be known as the guy who likes pokemon at the age of 20. Yeah With that story, people understand I'm very passionate, you know ? See ? What I mean ? I see I'm afraid, sir, that I have few position that would fit your qualifications. I don't understand. You know, these days, it's hard to even find a job at all ! I'm seeing something that may be right for you... We need an evacuation space technician. Sounds interesting... Is it like an astronaut ? Not really. Hi What did that guy eat ? Thanks... Bye ! What a shitty job. Come on, am I invisible ? Who's that ? Inspector Benzaie ? You got a new job, it seems ! You're saving for your future store I presume ? You know what ? I'll be a good pal ! I've saved up a lot myself. so I'll put some away for you ! I'll draw a butterfly, there. It's hard to do the wings and all. I'll do a squirrel right there ! a giraffe Well that will surely be regarded as my ultimate masterpiece ! I'll just sign before leaving you do your thing... There, big and squeashy ! And good bye mister pee pee ! Eyh ! I ain't mister pee pee ! Don't call me mister pee pee ! I'm the evacuation surface technician ! Yeah right and I'm Bruce Willis the astronaut ! Of course, I come back from diner service and I find mister adult playing Nintendo ! Sweet pea, I've just arrived ! You had to do that first ? When the house is all messy ? After what you did at Cathy's place you could have tried to be nice ! I was going to, but let me relax a bit. I met Jean-Guy at work this morning... That fucker reminded me what a shitty job I had found. Of course you won't find a better job if you spend your night playing stupid games Wait to see his disgusted face when I'll get my own store... Stop with the stupid lies, you ain't believing it yourself ! You ain't got enough to pay for my car so you ain't getting a business anytime soon How old are you again ? You know damn well how old I am... I'll find the money, trust me, I know I can do it, sweet pea ! If you're so smart, tell me why you're playing a game you finished 20 years ago ? And you promised to give them away ! What ? Not the NES ! I just bought a game for this beauty a boxed Dragon Warrior, good deal for only one hundred bucks ! one hundred ? I hope you're joking ! I remind you you bought me flip flops for my last birthday - They looked good on you... - Benzaie ! You are truely unincredible ! Actually... There's only one thing you understand... If you want to motorboat these again you better move your hairy ass, quickly ! Or else, I'll get rid of those Hello Kitty nippies you adore ! Not the Hello Kitty nippies, they fit you so well, and I got them from Japan ! So swear it ! Ok, alright you win ! You win ! Just let me touch... No, you've been scrubbing toilets all day, I ain't catching a virus Damn, when was the last time we actually got to fuck ? Love you, sweet pea ! Is that how your fight ends ? What do you mean ? You got screwed again, and hide by playing a game you beat over 2000 times Well 2399 times to be precise... That's not the question, Benzaie and you know that... What should I do then ? She's right in the end. I won't start any business. Even if I've seen all your episodes None tells you how to start your own video game store... sorry ! You should ask your bank for a loan and present your project as something viable What ? When did you become an expert in business and loans ? Since we got 5G mobile internet in Dominia I can browse Wikipedia while riding dragons My ass still hurts but it's far less boring ! Presenting the project... yeah No They'll never listen Not with my living dead's face And I'd rather die than wearing a tie and step in line like a freacking puppet. How about a short video ? Showing your vision of the store. How's the name coming up ? Nope, after Hardcore and Corner, I'm get stuck... Even that I can't do Wait, you said video ? Yeah, if it's good enough, it'll be more convincing than any tie. Yeah It'd be bad ass ! And I really know my cinema, I must have seen Last Action Hero 500 times ! and I'm not mentionning your adventures. But it's not with my cock and some duct tape that I'll shit a video... Nevermind, without hardware I won't go anywhere... You forgot what your father left you, Benzaie My dear son If you're reading this, it means you've inherited my belongings. Including my video hardware case. I bought that from your uncle to record porn flicks every month back when your mom was so pregnant that I kinda felt like riding a hot air balloon But with all those buttons and code for programming I gave up and put everything in the attic. May you succeed where I failed, my son... with your superior intellect from the 21st century And if you wanna use the camera, please erase what's on the tape, good boy ! Oh dammit ! Mommy ? Even Benzaie's birth didn't dilate me this bad ! What are you doing with your fingers ? Merry Christmas ! In 2013, the casual crisis will cause video games as we know it to crumble Special moves and secret levels will then end up being more precious than gold No ! Go away ! I'd rather die than buy a tablet Hands off her ! Where do you think you are, stranger ? This young lady is about to accept our Candy Crush invite, eh ! Think you can go as you please ? Who are you, my savior ? I am the messiah ! And so the vigilante hit the road again going where video games would be considered like mainstream hipster shit He knew his quest would be hard and long, like a huge trial. But the prophecy says one day, he will found a haven of peace where you can find the best games from all eras at the best prices ! but first he needed... your help ! Only Benzaie can save us from the... Game Holocaust ! It's gonna kick ass ! Fuck ! Fuck ! Shit ! Shit ! Hello potential investor with good smelling breath ! Let me introduce my project which is revolutionnary ! Something so incredible Gordon Freeman can't find the words I know my games... I even finished Ninja Turtles with my eyes covered and my back turned to the screen ! And I mean that one, the hard one not the others but that one in particular Oh, if anybody's interested I'm selling that one... Wait... I'm selling that Amstrad CPC version The price will be cool, just contact me ! Nobody's more expert than I am ! For example, this guy, it's not Robin Williams but the voice of Mario & Luigi Also the dragon in Skyrim ! All that to prove that nobody's more... ...qualified to own his own store in town In order to educate the pup... the population I mean... which doesn't seem really familiar with the newest consoles What the fuck was that ? My vision is a store for true enthusiasts Wherein experts would gather to share their gaming experience. a place... A feel-good place... not a sort of pharmacy selling Kinect bullshit You know it's true... Dawg... With this new store, that kind of disaster will never happen again. Hot ! Hot ! I know my games... I already said that. I respect my customers and my neighbour Damn, what was in that kebab ? Believe me if you want, even if you can barely see but it's signed by the creator of Double Dragon I swear it's true ! Shit, you can't see, nevermind I'll show you later ! That's why, in all honesty only a hairless fag or a sexless twat would deny me a loan or about a hundred thousand with 30 years to pay... So I could open the store of my dreams but also of your dreams, yeah, you ! Anyway the success and viability of this project is practically guaranteed ! So, choose wisely ! I wonder if it's normal to have hairy nipples like that... Well it ain't as good as I remembered but still, what do you think ? Classy, no ? It's pretty unconventional this way of presenting a professional project Especially by calling your potential investors ... "faggots" ? Sorry I wasn't listening, don't you have a brother working at the job center ? Not at all, but I imagine all white collars look the same to you young wankers ? No that's not it, don't take me wrong. I'm joking, it's indeed my brother working at the job center ! Young folks don't have a monopoly on humor ! So, what I see here a project like yours will require lots of guarantees Be it prestatory or previsionary regarding credences or income influx not forgetting the interest, that will have to be high because of your lack of experience and the new fisting norms for the PME, EARL, CUNT etc. You see ? No Simple Since you're young and poor, we'll give you a loan you must reimburse in 40 years with an interest rate of fifty percent or else we'll acquire your house and that or your mommy... Wait a second, this seems perfectly honest ! So in case we have to claim your belongings for payment Your entire toy collection... sold in auctions ! What ? Simple, you sign here... and you fuck off ! Allo, Frabice ? Yeah I'm with the client we just agreed to something... Go on, you can sign, don't worry. What, there's a game store in town already ? Jean-Gaming ? Yeah, of course, in that case, thanks for calling ! My colleague told me we can't bet on you with competition already in place With so few inhabitants, no need for a second game store ! But you seem really at ease with a camera How about starting a show for the internet ? It reminds me of something my son is always talking about Here look Why not make something like this ? My name's Marc-Edouard ! Without music, life would be an error Extraordinary ! I'm the talking Ukulele Oh yeah ! One day one of my string vibrated Scooby-doo by-doo ! and my body started shaking Oh yeah ! Hello Pascal, I'mma do a gig So it's a gift I got from Hawai and I think it's really awesome ! What the fuck ? Asshole ! Benzaie ? Benzaie ! What are you doing here ? Aren't you working ? No sweet pea, I didn't go, I was at the bank for a loan for my dream store You little shit ! You told me you'd give up ! You really think I'm stupid ! You just got a job and you risk getting fired with your shit No that job was really shitty, I'd rather die than go again ! Of course you'll go back ! Or else I'm the one who'll fire you ! What do you mean, sweet pea ? Cut the sweet pea crap ! I don't care if we're outside, you leave me no other choice No NO ! Alpha Man ! What should I do ? Why such a distress call, Benzaie ? Shall I remind you that you're 25 ! 32 ! Holy dinosaur's phallus ! You've made some great progress but you'll have to face your demons if you want to become a real man ! But I'm scared ! I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to face her, Alpha Man ! Look at her closely, Benzaie ! NO ! In the eyes ! What ? That's it, Benzaie ! Look at her for what she really is ! I see her, Alpha Man ! I think I'm ready Thanks Alpha Man, I don't know what I'd do without you ! Haven't you understood yet ? There's never been any Alpha Man ! It's your inner strength that gave me life all along ! It's time you let it out ! ... my son ! Daddy ? I have nothing to teach you anymore Benzaie You're a man now... Farewell... Listen to me ! Shut up ! Shut the fuck up ! I'm done letting you rule my life, and being your pet, in the name of love ! You've never loved me ! You just got into me when you were alone to turn me into your ideal man or whatever You know what ? I don't really love you either If I could unscrew your boobs to play bongos watching my cartoons I would have kicked you out of my life a long time ago ! And you know it's true ! That's the only think you got for you. You're superficial. And most importantly, you don't give a damn about my passion ! Now that I look at them... Your breasts are nothing fancy... We're done Mireille Yep That's why I call you sweet pea 'cause I won't scream Mireille in bed ! Tchao ! Shmoopey, wait ! Eyh ! Can I play bongos on those nice boobs ? See that wasn't so bad, you just had to try it ! Eyh ! That's my ball ! Homo ! We're closed, guys ! You can come back tomorow from 8.30 am It's written outside, how stupid... How about you close your mouth ? Well, well, well ! How may I help you mister toilet technician ? I'm no longer scrubbing toilets, Jean-Guy ! Jean-Guillaume, it's easy ! Jean-Guill... Wait, I understand why you're here now Sorry Benzaie but I'm not looking for a new assistant... But, maybe, just maybe... We could use your new skills to, I don't know, clean after me... NO ! I just came to tell you what a fat pig, repulsing and malevolent you are ! and how your store is an insult to the 10th art that are video games ! And that you lied to everybody in high-school ! The pretty Marlène Chaban never slept with you No women did actually. You just took advantage of her deafness and mutism to better spread the rumor which she couldn't deny ! To think I was sad to no have Feng Shui training tonight... You know what, Benzaie ? You're gonna be my punching ball ! After all Benzaie isn't even a real name It's not even in the calendar ! Whereas Jean-Guillaume, as everybody knows it's the 28th of August They're even discussing about making it a holiday ! Bring it on ! No ! Not the balls, Jean-Guy ! I told you, it's Jean-Guillaume ! Anyway, Benzaie... Even if you tell everybody I'm still a virgin Who ? Who in the world will believe you ? Who will believe stupid teen like you in front of an accomplished man like I ? Learn your place, Benzaie ! This one is on the house ! No ! No ! Not that ! You deserved it ! I hate you Benzaie, I could never tolerate you ! Even back in 4th grade, when your father died The entire class collected money to offer you a Super Nintendo and so my mommy... She gave you my candy money ! So for an entire week... I was deprived of candy So the next week... I went on a candy frenzy because you Benzaie ! So I caught diabetes and became obese because of you ! Wait a sec, man, listen ! I HATE YOU BENZAIE ! No, Jean-Guy, your games are burning ! Oh shit, my store ! Fuck, is that all you feel ? Watching your store in flames ? My poor Benzaie, you think I'm dumber than a Magikarp ? I sorted out the insurance plan just last week ! Son of a bitch ! That's the papers you wasted the day I fired your ass ! My store ! My store is in ashes ! I got fucking nothing now ! FUCK ! For the first time ever I felt pity for that poor Jean-Guy... Watching your store burn being still a virgin at that age Your first name composed of two particles and also... That was the only game store in a circle of 20 miles ! In light of these events... Only a heartless monster would take advantage of this situation... Oh ! Hello, and welcome to THE HARD CORNER ! - The price is 400 - No - 300 ? 200 ? 100 ? - I give you 50 ! - OK Hurry up ! Ok, ok ! Did you hear some kind of sound ? Xbox, VHS please ! What the fuck ? A whole box of Jem & the Holograms ? Awesome ! So, pretty ballsy right ? I might say even Dragon Ballsy ! Eyh, high five ! No I'm kidding, get the fuck out ! Ok, I like your honesty, I'll take it ! That's what she said ! Let's go ! Ok, thanks sir, my name is Norbert I don't give a crap, kid. I'll give you a discount if you answer this question ! Michelle Pfeifer or Halle Berry ? Easy, Michelle Pfeifer with Halle Berry's boobs That's right... 10/10 ! I'll do 10% off then ! That guy is cheating, come on ! Go die from typhus in Romania Bot slash Larry, whatever your name ! You're a fucking pidgeon ! Of course I am ! Wanna see it ? I warn you On the lie scale, we're getting close to a presidential campaign ! You've been warned ! I'm just saying if you wanna blow a Turian, you'd need a seafood clip if you were a fucking woman I'd marry you this instant ! What do you mean ? I am a woman ! I like when we get to play doctor together Yeah, right, the butt doctor, yeah ! That kind of shit breaks my ball You mean "balls" Nope Wow, impressive What's going on ? I gotta go to the bathroom You know... explosive diarrhea Go then ! Allo, mommy ? So tell me how was your prostate exam ? Yeah you'd have to be immature to play like a kid like that ! Alright nimrods, we're off to drink beers between body builders ! I'll just but my bat-tape in that bat-VCR Shut up ! Wait, 'cause a Bat-computer, that's not dumb ? Are you crazy or what ? Who would wanna fuck a handicapped alien chick with a gas mask ? I hope you run fast, pretty girl ! Nevermind bye ! Damn I couldn't hold it anymore Why does it smell like shit all of a sudden ? To my brothers...