transcript: The world is in shock: We are facing the biggest
ever-before seen Internet bug. Gentlemen,
we're up shit creek. We've been insuring Internet security
for 20 years and the day we most feared
is upon us. The bug is hitting websites
all over the world. Passwords,
bank accounts... There is no more privacy. If the Internet is going haywire,
there must be a reason. My computer log has been published
on line. Baby, listen, I don't know
these websites, I respect animals! It's your job to intervene. We know who stole the access codes
for the nuclear weapon. Little Julian, he has the intelligence
of a 10 year old. We don't know what he plans to do
with them. Any moment little Julian
could blow up the planet, we need to act. Your mission is simple:
enter the Internet, neutralize the threat and stay alive. Here is your coffee. Thank you KaratéSwag22 My name is Martin
- Really ? I saw a video where your name
was KaratéSwag22. Wait, look at the aquarium! And... Bam! That's enough.
Bring me a swizzle stick. Yes sir. At the root of the bug :
BLASTER, lieutenant corporal, my former team-mate. During the Y2K bug, a team was sent
in the Internet, and BLASTER never came back. We thought he was dead
but he has resurfaced. He may be pissed off. Derickson will be your guide. Your mission: neutralize Blaster
and save the Internet. Good luck gentlemen. Internet penetration in ...3 Your swizzle stick sir.
- 2...1 Have a good trip What are you doing here
KaratéSwag22 I have a swizzle stick! Ok... RUN RUN ! We have to find... Hi, would you like to enlarge
your penis? No ! We don't have time !
- Okay sorry. Okay sorry. Oh my god... Oh god they are following us!
Hurry! Hi, are you sure you don't want
to enlarge your penis? I said no!
- Ok, sorry ! Hi « Laurent » would you like to have sex
in "Paris area"? Fucking pop-ups ! Get lost ! Shit... The « Girls from your city »... You are feeling lucky !
- Thank you Mrs...? Google.
It's Miss Google actually. AAAH fuck ! AAAAAHHHHH !! Mrs Google, I have been bitten You should spare your words,
you have only 140 characters left. What?! Oh come on, I'm the guide,
I'm very important in the stor... Yeah but you're also a jerk... I need a doctor ! Hi, I'm Doctissimo.
What do we have here ? Ouch !
You have cancer. But this is just an arrow. Yes it's an arrow cancer. Look ! Ok, follow me,
I'll take you somewhere safe. They escaped but some of them
are injured, Hashtag We will kick their ass. LOL... It's here ?
So we going to Youporn Put your cock back, we're going to
the basement. Our hideout is there. Hey!
Are you over 18? Yes Okay you can go. Hey! Are you over 18? Yes
- Okay. Make yourself comfortable, Samantha Cox made bukkake,
they are delicious. Hey, I know you...
Are you KaratéSwag22? No... My name is Martin The ninja! Guys, it's KaratéSwag22!
Big buzz ! Your video is great,
you are a genius! It sucks, go to hell. Don't listen to them,
I liked sharing your video. Thank you... What happened here ? Wikipedia is going to explain. History: It all began
three thousand years ago... No, it began a week ago... It all began a week ago,
Deezer music ! It all began a week ago when a man
like you, lost in our world... ... stole the Holy At sign,
a powerful but dangerous ring... And he became invincible. He started by torturing Facebook,
forcing him to reveal his secrets. Stop poking me!
I'll tell you everything! Then he proclaimed himself
Lord of the Web. He raised an army of Girls
from your City and Lolcats, swept away everything,
and carried out a reign of Terror. and carried out a reign of Terror... And what's his name ?
- Djibril Blaster
- Blaster ! Man, that sucks... The Holy At sign makes him invulnerable.
There's nothing we can do... Right. Well, good luck guys.
I have a swizzle stick to give. Actually, KaratéSwag22 is the chosen.
-What?! First of all, my name is Martin... He's the only one who can face
the owner of the At sign. Isn't he, Wikipedia?
- Eh ? Yeah of course he is ! You see Martin, I'm right!
- No, i'm not Of course,
I completely qualify for that! Yeah! He's going to lead our troops
and kill Blaster! Great Why did you say that ?!
- There was nothing else to do. Why me? I only bring coffee.
- They need to believe in someone. I believe in you Martin. And if a human being dies
in the internet... He also dies in real life.
- Ok, just asking. For the Web! Ho no ! i have an arrow cancer.
- Martin, This way ! First ! Well Facebook, don't you "like"
meeting me again? Circumflex circumflex! All of this must end Mister Blaster. Who do you think you are, human,
to leave such a comment? What the hell are they doing? Hello. Would you like to enlarge
your penis? Tell your boss that 13 years stuck
in the internet changes a man, Noooo ! Stop ! Remove the At Sign
and go back to the real world! The real world? Precisely,
we are going to spam you bastards! So one could enlarge his penis
in three steps only? Yes, you can become a horny devil
for free. w-w-w dot you are dying like a
shit-head dot com slash asshole dot html! Martin, catch! Hey hey! Wait! Stay alive, drink Orangina... Yeah! Great!
- Stylish, I must say. Do you want a big penis
or not? Sorry but you have to go back
to your world. HA HA HA. But the ring makes me
invincible. Oh, shit... ...a huge relief. The little Julian has lost the access codes to the nuclear bomb. Apologize.
- I apologize To whom?
- I apologize to the planet... Martin, I make my apologies to you. As a reward, you are now
the guardian in chief of Internet. You even get your own name plate. And, when you are Internet
Guardian in Chief, you can go in the Internet
whenever you want. Especially as I heard Google
was looking for you. Thank you, that's very nice but
I couldn't have done this alone, Sir. The websites fought valiantly
to defend their land. What did you do with the
strange guy in the suit? We sent it back right away...
right away Hi, would you like to enlarge
your penis ?
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