transcript: - I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
IN TWO YEARS. - HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG? - SINCE YOU'VE BEEN ON THE SHOW.
- A LOT HAS CHANGED... - BOY, A LOT HAS CHANGED.
- IN TWO YEARS. - I KNOW. LAST TIME YOU WERE
HERE, I WAS RENEWING YOUR VOWS. YOU REMEMBER THAT? - [laughs]
YES, I DO. - YEAH, SO NOW YOU HAVE A BABY.
- YEAH. [laughs] - CAN WE JUST SHOW A PICTURE
OF THAT PRECIOUS BABY? [audience ohs] - AW, I WAS TRYING TO BRING
SOME NEW PHOTOS FOR YOU, AND THEY'RE ON MY PHONE, AND I WAS TRYING TO SEND THEM
TO YOUR PRODUCER TO GET YOU SOME NEW PHOTOS
OF HER, SO-- - 'CAUSE HOW OLD ARE THOSE,
LIKE, A MONTH OLD? 'CAUSE THEY CHANGE EVERY DAY,
RIGHT? - SHE CHANGES ALL THE TIME. YOU KNOW, ONE DAY
SHE'LL LOOK LIKE KANYE. ONE DAY SHE'LL LOOK LIKE ME.
- MM-HMM. - IT'S SO CRAZY. AND HER PERSONALITY IS SO CUTE. SHE IS REALLY CALM
AND REALLY QUIET. - YOU'RE LUCKY. - I KNOW.
I'VE BEEN TOLD. I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT IT'S-- - HOW OLD IS SHE NOW?
I'M SORRY. - SHE'S SEVEN MONTHS YESTERDAY. - WOW. NOW, HAVE YOU ALWAYS WANTED
A CHILD? - I ALWAYS WANTED ABOUT SIX. - REALLY? - AFTER HAVING HER,
I WOULD HAVE A MILLION, BUT I WOULD--THE PREGNANCY, I WOULDN'T REALLY WISH
THAT UPON ANYONE. - WELL--
- ANYONE. - THEN YOU CAN ADOPT. - I MEAN, I WOULD GO--
IT'S ALL WORTH IT IN THE END, SO I WOULD DEFINITELY
SUFFER THROUGH THAT, BUT PREGNANCY WAS NOT
A GOOD EXPERIENCE FOR ME. - YEAH. - I CAN'T--YOU KNOW,
WOMEN WHO SAY THAT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING-- - THEY ARE LYING.
- YEAH. - THEY ARE LYING TO YOU. I'M TELLING YOU.
- I THINK SO. - KOURTNEY SAID THAT. MY MOM SAID THAT. I WAS LITERALLY GIVING BIRTH,
AND I LOOKED AT MY MOM, AND I SAID, "I'M GOING
TO GET YOU A MEDAL. LIKE, "YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING
FOR WHAT"-- AND MY LABOR WAS EASY. BUT JUST THE WHOLE PREGNANCY
WAS SO-- I HAD, YOU KNOW,
A FEW MEDICAL ISSUES, SO IT WAS REALLY TOUGH,
AND I GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT, BUT IT WAS JUST--
THEY ARE ALL LYING TO YOU IF ANYONE SAYS IT'S EASY. - WHAT IS THE WORST PART
ABOUT IT? I MEAN, OTHER THAN FEELING LIKE THERE'S AN ALIEN
INSIDE OF YOUR BODY. THAT, TO ME, WOULD FEEL LIKE-- PEOPLE ARE LIKE,
"OH, IT JUST KICKED." I'D BE LIKE, "AH!" - YEAH.
[laughs] IT'S JUST--YOU KNOW,
I THINK IT'S A REAL HEAD TRIP TO TRY AND-- YOU KNOW, YOUR BODY
IS GOING THROUGH SO MANY CHANGES THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN, AND I REMEMBER KOURTNEY GAVE ME "WHAT TO EXPECT
WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING," AND I SAT THERE IN BED
READING IT HYSTERICALLY CRYING. AND I'M LIKE, "YOU MADE IT
SO MUCH WORSE." LIKE, "I'M GIVING THIS
BACK TO YOU. I HOPE NONE OF THESE CHANGES
HAPPEN TO ME." AND IT WAS JUST--IT WAS REALLY
HARD MENTALLY ON ME, I THINK. AND WITH A FEW, LIKE,
PHYSICAL PROBLEMS THAT I WAS GOING THROUGH, IT WAS JUST HARD BEING IN
AND OUT OF THE DOCTOR'S AND THE HOSPITAL
AND STUFF LIKE THAT. - AND THEN YOU'RE GETTING
HOUNDED CONSTANTLY BY PAPARAZZI, SO THAT'S NOT EASY. IF YOUR HORMONES
ARE GOING CRAZY ANYWAY, AND THEN YOU'VE GOT--
YOUR LIFE IS A WHIRLWIND. - I WAS ACTUALLY REALLY CALM. MY HORMONES
WEREN'T REALLY GOING CRAZY. WELL, I DON'T THINK. YOU MIGHT WANT TO ASK, LIKE,
KANYE OR SOMEONE, BUT-- - YEAH. - I THINK I WAS PRETTY CALM. I JUST--I THINK WITH ALL
OF THE MEDICAL ISSUES-- I HAD PREECLAMPSIA. THAT WAS REALLY TOUGH. SO-- - I DON'T KNOW PREECLAMPSIA. I DON'T KNOW-- - IT IS JUST A CONDITION THAT
YOU GET WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT THAT, IT COULD BE PRETTY HARMFUL
FOR THE MOM, SO I HAD TO DELIVER EARLY. BUT I WOULDN'T TAKE
ANY OF IT BACK, BECAUSE I HAVE
THE MOST ADORABLE, SWEETEST BABY IN THE WORLD. - SHE'S PRECIOUS. AND IS KANYE A HANDS-ON DAD? IS HE A GOOD DAD? - HE IS, HONESTLY,
THE MOST AMAZING DAD. HE LOVES HER SO MUCH. HE JUST LEFT TO GO OUT OF TOWN, SO I SEND HIM A PICTURE
AND VIDEO EVERY DAY, AND HE'S LIKE,
"SHE GREW UP SO MUCH." - AND I'M LIKE,
"BABE, IT'S BEEN ONE DAY. "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A DAY. NOT A LOT HAS CHANGED." BUT HE REALLY IS A HANDS-ON DAD. HE-- - DIAPERS? - HE'S NOT A DIAPER KIND OF GUY.
AND THAT'S OKAY. - NO, I DON'T MEAN,
DOES HE WEAR THEM. I MEAN, DOES HE--
DOES HE CHANGE THEM? - NO, HE'S NOT A DIAPER CHANGING
KIND OF GUY. - NO?
- BUT HE WOULD. YOU KNOW, IF IT'S AN EMERGENCY,
HE WILL. BUT I LOVE THAT TIME. I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY,
BUT I LOVE MY TIME WITH HER WHEN SHE'S ON
THE CHANGING TABLE. SHE TRIES TO TALK SO MUCH, AND I REALLY ENJOY THAT BONDING
TIME WHEN I'M WITH HER. - THAT'S JUST--
I MEAN, I JUST--OH. - THAT'S A NEW THING. - IS THAT ONE OF THE NEW ONES?
DID THEY GET ONE? - THAT WAS--
WE WERE IN UTAH SKIING, AND WE WERE IN THIS
INTENSE MONOPOLY GAME, AND SHE JUST WANTED TO SIT
AND WATCH THE GAME WITH US. SO I GAVE--LIKE, HE WAS GIVING
HER A LITTLE PIGGYBACK RIDE. - YOU'RE SO LUCKY THAT WHEN YOU
SAY SHE'S GOOD AND SHE'S QUIET-- SO SHE SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT
AND STUFF LIKE THAT? - SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT. SO THIS WAS HER YESTERDAY. I WAS TRYING SOME BOWS ON
TO SEND HIM A PICTURE OF HER, 'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T WEAR
A LOT OF BOWS, AND MY NIECE, PENELOPE,
WEARS SO MANY HEADBANDS, SO I WAS TRYING
ALL THESE BOWS ON HER, AND SHE REALLY LIKED THEM, SO I THINK SHE'S GONNA START
WEARING SOME BOWS. - SHE IS ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS. ANYWAY, WE'LL TAKE A BREAK, AND MORE WITH KIM AFTER THIS. [cheers and applause]
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